Home. Where is it?

"In the cathedrals of New York and Rome
There is a feeling that you should just go home
And spend a lifetime finding out just where that is"

"Where thou art - that - is Home."

"I know I'm searching for something
Something so undefined
That it can only be seen
By the eyes of the blind"

Fog

Lately it has been foggy as ever. Sometimes at night, while driving, you can only see a few feet in front of you. It's the scariest feeling in the world, because the lights of the oncoming cars get blurred in the fog and you can't see anything. I'm staying home until it seizes. Lately I've been listening to Joan Osborne, and I have never heard about her until recently. I still don't know a bunch about who she is or the stuff she has done. I picked up "Little Wild One" and its a cool cd. I really like the way she writes and the lyrics she uses. If you can you should give it a listen. Here are a few that struck me.

In this crowded city,
I was so alone
Stranger to my own eyes
Heart without a home
Hallelujah.

In the cathedrals of New York and Rome
There is a feeling that you should just go home
And spend a lifetime finding out just where that is

Strangers

"In all this sober glory, something surprising appeared. At this desert trickle, beneath this cyclone fence, behind a young rock, I saw motion. Along came a blue crab. It picked it's way down some sharp grains between rocks and settled in to work the area. The crab's shell was five or six inches long from tip to tip. It's blue-and-white legs minced on their points; it squatted to feed. Why are you wandering around in the desert, I thought, instead of swimming in a Chesapeake slough, or in a pot of steam? In fact, freshwater crabs are a delicacy; the Chinese, especially, prize them.
I looked for someone to show. In all the immense space under the dry sky, only one distant man was walking, probably one of the Dutch- speakers.
And what should I call out to him? "Mynheer!" I shouted. He made his way to me over the bare ground. I showed him the crab. He was gratifyingly amazed- a big blue crab in the desert. The crab was easing itself along the chips and sand the water wetted, behind the cyclone fence. Its eyes moved on stalks. The Dutchman, too, looked for someone to show, but saw nobody. We discussed the crab, I think, and the sight of the crab.
Possibly the magnificent accent with which I'd shouted "Mynheer" impressed him, for he spoke dutch, none of which I understood. I spoke English, which he doubtless understood. His tanned face showed pale creases everywhere, in the sun, he had laughed. Pleased, he thanked me, and before wandering off he looked at me significantly. So: his look said, we meet. So: in this queer bare spot, home of nobody under the sky, two humans stand side by side to look at a crab.
Later, I thought: This fleet meeting was not so deep as, say, a marriage- but it had its moments. Who are we people? "

-Annie Dillard

Nosegays= Flowers

My nosegays are for captive;
Dim, long- expectant eyes,
Fingers denied the plucking,
Patient till paradise.

To such, if they should whisper
Of morning and the moor,
They bear no other errand,
And I, no other prayer.
-Emily Dickinson

The Lost Maples

This past weekend I was invited by a friend to go to Lost Maples state park. Apparently it is a really big deal this time of year, because the all the maples are turning different colors. I was skeptical because it was only 1.5 hours away from San Antonio. We arrived there sat in a car line to get into the park for about 20 minutes. Once we got in we started our 9 mile hike, the trail was tougher than expected. Luckily there were a few still standing maples covered in bright red, orange, and yellows. I find it interesting that everytime something as beautiful as this only is a round for a brief moment. It is almost like we have to chase beauty until it shows itself and then it goes back into hiding, waiting for another moment to just give us a glimpse and blow us away. Maybe its best for us. maybe beauty wants to us to be uncurably afflicted with the desire to see more, and more, and more.

POLADROID

Recently I stumbled across this very cool app. How you use it is, you take a picture on your computer, drag it into the little virtual polaroid, and out comes the picture polaroided. You can even shake it and watch it develop faster or just watch the picture fade in. You can even sample it a different development stages. Right now it's only available for mac users, but you can download it for free here.

Thanksgiving is Coming

Lately I have strayed away from this blogging deal, but I'm hoping to find more inspiration to write. I worded that wrong; I need to find the drive to write, the inspiration is there I just don't want to write about it. This week has had it's ups and downs, and I want to write about how thankful I am to have people who are mentors in my life. In case you didn't know my father passed away when I was 6 due to pneumonia. Before that my parents were divorced so I wasn't around a fatherly figure much, when I was younger it was actually my grandma who I spent the most time with because my mom was a single parent working to raise my sister and I. By the way I love grandmas because they are crazy and kooky and are somewhat like kids; somewhat carefree but the littlest things they worry about, like if you fall and start bleeding they act as if your dying. So as much as I miss my father I am thankful to have God and people that can fill that hole in my life. Today my car broke down, and my friend Aaron took the time to help me fix it, and we did, and I learned something new about cars, and I'm sure he missed some quality time with the family on his day off, but I'm extremely grateful for his time. This weekend I get to go to huntsville and do worship at a retreat with my cousin Blake Quimby, and he's helped shape me and realize God, and I owe him a lot, but I am also grateful for his time. There are a lot of other people I'm not mentioning, but I'm thankful for everyone. I am blessed and I hope that I can share this with others who share my situation.

Chalk It Up

Chalk It Up took place downtown today on Houston street downtown. 3 whole blocks of street shut down so people could come and draw everywhere with chalk. It was a great atmosphere to relax and somewhat relive your childhood spending time drawing pictures. I hardly take the time to draw anymore mostly because I'm not real good at it.

The amount of talent in this world amazes me. It's nice to go to an event like this and go home feeling smaller and the world feels bigger. I've heard some people say they see God mostly in the mundane things in life. I have to agree that something as mundane as a child drawing with chalk, or a group of kids breakdancing, or an old man drawing a mural of jazz music is how I saw God today. Hopefully I'll begin to look for Him more often.

Sax and Violence

Victors and Vanquished

If anyone keeps up with this blog you might remember a time were my number one thing about college was the chance to read a book about the Aztecs and Spain in Victors and Vanquished. Unfortunately, I didn't have the money to buy the book to read it so I did my report with information that is accurate from a video game called Medieval Total War: Americas. Not only do you learn about the clashing cultures and battles, you actually get to experience it somewhat virtually. I played both sides the Spaniards and the Aztecs and during the load screens it plays random quotes from people of that era, so I incorporated some of those. As much as I dislike playing video games, they have taught me a lot. I swear when I was 12 I should have been able to fly a plane because I completed Flight Simulator. I have learned about global trade and different economies, the pros and cons. I know many different types of handguns and weapons. It was from Madden that I learned the rules of football. So here's a toast to video games, as bad as people say they are, and as much as I dislike them, video games have done some good this time.

When You Say Goodbye, I Say Hello

Yesterday, my friend Matt Low and I went to Austin to drop his little brother off at ACL. While there, we found out the Robbie Seay Band is playing in Austin at Jesus Christ the Nazarene church, so we got our tickets and it was a great concert.

Lately I have been reading Phillipians, and I usually don't focus on one book too much, but i'm trying to this time. The more I read it the more it seems to come "alive." This passage has been tossed around in my mind a bit, Phillipians 2.

Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross

I feel like I'm going nowhere. Everyone else in college has a goal of achieving some certain degree in some special field that interests them. However I do not have any goals. Lately I have been longing for God like never before. I have been extremely unsatisfied with everything else. I want to give more, I want to love more, and I want to care more about what's going on.

Thursday

The Importance of Hell

by Tim Keller

1. It is important because Jesus taught about it more than all other Biblical authors put together.

2. It is important because it shows how infinitely dependent we are on God for everything.

3. It is important because it unveils the seriousness and danger of living life for yourself.

4. The doctrine of hell is important because it is the only way to know how much Jesus loved us and how much he did for us.

full article here.

God is enough.

For the past couple of months I have been thinking and praying about this phrase "God is enough." I've just been thinking, what would be the effect if everything we do reflected the realization that God is enough.

While sitting in a freshman orientation class, we were in a computer lab and the librarian was showing the class how to use the internet and look for books and research. (how many times have you sat through one of those before?) At that moment I began to feel like my life was wasting away, this is pointless, I wanna just leave and eat. Then out of nowhere I stumble across this article about children being used as soldiers. It caught my attention and stumbled across a profound quote that really shook me and has been haunting me. It was by a boy named Salifu Kamara, it said, "I was not born a boy soldier; my captives forced me to become one. I had to obey them to stay alive today. When you have nothing left but God, that is the time you realize that God is enough." (here's the story)

I'm not sure the means or what it means to have nothing left but God. It's a phrase that at times scares me as a christian to say that God is enough because there is so much that I want, money, success, attention, girls, comfort, etc.. In my heart I know God is enough, but my head wants to doubt that and say that there is better satisfaction in other things. It just does all sorts of things to me thinking, what it would look like, if the way we lived reflected the realization that God is enough. I want my life to have purpose, and when I take away everything about life that is meaningless: selfishness, anger and concern over stupid small things, worry, unsatisfaction, overspending, desire to be accepted, I end up with nothing left but God.

Freakin' Texas

If you paid any attention to the republic convention, the Texas delegation should've caught your eye at least once. Decked out in cowboy hats, sparkles, and shirts of the Texas flag (notice I capitalized Texas, because I am proud of the state, just when this happens I question myself).


"ST. PAUL, Minn. -- Delegate Dawn Gilbert has gotten her fair share of attention at the Republican National Convention this week.

She wanted a hat to wear, so a friend decked out a Dr. Seus hat with a boat on one side, a basket of blueberries and a lobster on top.

She has been interviewed by several news outlets, including some individuals from the Republic of Georgia.

Across the floor was the Texas delegation, who waved their cowboy hats in sync. She stopped by.

“Well boys,” she said she told them, “how’s this for a hat?”

“Now that’s a real hat,” Texas said......"

"If you want know how to act at a convention, check out the Texas delegation. First, they all wear the same outfit topped with a cowboy hat, so they are really noticeable. Anyway, the Texas delegation also leads cheers. On Tuesday night, during some of the breaks, the delegation would yell "McCain!" and the alternates would respond with "Palin!" They're also encouraging people to stand up and wave their signs, and they even tried to get the wave going."

Dandelion Heart

This is a new song I've been working on. While praying and talking with a friend of mine we got into an interesting conversation. He was telling me how hard his past was, and how making the transition back into high school was scary because he felt old and had this fear of not succeeding. I can relate, I'm not sure where I'm headed, but I think it's too early to worry about that.

are you way up there?
I hope that you are listening, hope to hear you whispering
how long can this heart beat
sink or swim is what they tell me and I'm a little scared
I'm jumping in the deep
but you can turn it all around and put me back in
the ground where you once found
my dandelion heart

what have I become
Am I the only one still hanging from a tree
shaking like a leaf
what if I should run
I'm like a ghost with noone to haunt
running in the dark

You will always shine
and together we'll brave the winters
you'll open up my eyes
and let me see your bigger than
what the world keeps telling me
what the world keeps telling me
You will hold me in your hands
and there i know my heart will be safe

you can change my mind
change is strange but im still listening, hardly hear you whispering
you know i can't stand long
had to bring me to my knees just to put me back on my feet
Lord your all i need
cause you can turn it all around and put me back in
on the ground where you once found my dandelion heart

Top 10 Tracks This Week

1. Sylvia Plath- Ryan Adams
2. Here Comes the Flood- Peter Gabriel
3. Possession- Sarah Mclachlan
4. Videotape- Radiohead
5. Time to Pretend- MGMT
6. Lost! and Lost?- Coldplay
7. Hold On- Emmylou Harris
8. The Embrace- Unwed Sailor
9. Heart Attack Time Machine- Waterdeep
10. The Night Starts Here- Stars

As of Aug. 29, 2008

School has started and it's nice to finally get back to learning. I'm usually not real excited about the curriculum school's have, but college has given me hope. Here are some things I'm looking forward to:

1. Reading victors and vanquished in history class
2. My essay about creation vs. evolution
3. A psychology project, which I am not quite sure what it is, but it looks promising.
4. I'm an ace at algebra so I'm the genius in that class

Currently I have a borderline mullet, one could say, which will hopefully be taken care of soon. We have finally began working with the church, planning and looking for ways we can help others and build friendships. I hope it does not turn into a thing were we just throw money at people and do some random acts of kindness just cause we feel obligated. I hope God will allow us to build friendships and meet some great people on the way.

Be Thou Our Vision

Be Thou our Vision, O Lord of our hearts;
Nothing be all else to us, save that Thou art.
Your our best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Your presence our light.


Riches, we don’t need, nor man’s empty praise,
You’re our Inheritance, now and always:
You and You only, first in our heart,
High King of Heaven, our Treasure you are.

I Wish I Had A Sylvia Plath...

A good read. Very depressing. Everything goes wrong for the main character. She goes insane. I really like her though. She's lovable. Check it out.

10 Thing I Love about Clarksdale, Mississippi

This is the Crossroads, where famous delta blues player was said to have sold his soul to the devil to play blues music.

1. "Abe's BBQ" and "Mississippi Burnin' Wings"
2. Old Friends
3. Clarksdale is the home of the Delta Blues
4. Alligator hunting (maybe not this time, but it was a trip)
5. Most people's rims are nicer than their cars
6. Various Hole-in-the-wall Food places
7. People drive around the neighborhood all day
8. The Bakery/Bar/Trance Metal/recording studio/venue/restaurant? its really one of a kind
9. Stealing wireless from hotels
10. Walmart and everything else closes around 8... if they want to stay open that late.

Community Missions Coordinator

I have recently been given a new title at my church. I am lucky to be interning with my friend matt low, helping start bible studies at school's and coordinating service projects. I get to meet new people and do what I love doing, so I am thankful. Off to mississippi, saturday. IM PUMPED! OH and emmylou harris is playing in austin at stubbs August 6th. If your a fan ( I am) let me know, cause im alone in my love of Emmylou right now.

Land of the Living

Catacombs have never really interested me, partly because I never took the time to think about their significance or purpose, but recently I did. Scattered throughout the catacombs are (Now, this is my account from tv and pictures, and readings, I have never been there) various drawn artwork of daniel in the lion's den, and the resurrection of Lazarus. It's haunting to realize that the people and artists, who occupied the catacombs, were experiencing persecution. On a regular basis they would find their friends or themselves being torn apart at parties by wild animals, or impaled and lit on fire to light gatherings, just to entertain the Romans. They never fled.

There are more dead people than there are living.

"Late in the 17^th century city growth in Paris, both in population and urban expansion, as well as the slow accumulation of generations of the dead had begun to overwhelm Parisian cemeteries. The largest cemetery in Paris, Les Innocents, was so saturated it began to affect those in surrounding neighborhoods. Residents began to suffer from diseases due to improper burials. For centuries, French officials condemned the cemetery to no avail. In 1786, officials decided to exhume the entire cemetery as well as other cemeteries in the city and to take the bones into the now abandoned tunnels of the rock quarries beneath the city. This was a process that would take two years to complete and moved an estimated six million bodies."

Scattered throughout the catacombs are plaques that remind living visitors of their own mortality. Though I have not been there to see it, I have read that as one exits the catacombs a plaque by the door offers a word to the bones:

Listen, dry bones
Listen to the voice of the Lord
The powerful God of our ancestors
Who in one breath created them
Will re-tie your undone knots
You will have new flesh
On which new skin will form
Dry bones, you will live again

We are bit of a long way in getting here, but I imagine that all of those bones – six million bodies worth – is something akin to what Ezekiel saw as he looked out across the valley of dry bones. (ezekiel 37) There scattered across the valley lay countless bones, lifeless, and windswept. Then, in classic Ezekiel fashion, which is to say something we would accuse someone of being high for seeing, or doing, Ezekiel begins to talk to the dry bones on God’s behalf. He calls out to the bones to get up, order themselves into skeletons. Ligaments, muscles, and tendons attach themselves to the bones and organs, skin, hair, teeth and eyes grow over the body. Ezekiel has commanded the bones to get up and to become a field of…well, zombies. You see, though they had all the attributes of a living being, they lacked that most basic of spiritual elements, breath. So Ezekiel calls the breath of God to come and from the four corners of the earth the breath fills their lungs and they are alive.

For Ezekiel, such pictures were wonderful object lessons. This is Israel. A people windswept and lifeless, all dried up. They are a people without a hope of living again; a people who live and yet do not live, zombies, in a foreign land. However, there is hope. God will bring them back from the grave and God will give them a new spirit and a new life. God will restore them to the land of the living.

Maybe that's why they never fled. Whats worse than death?

Yanni

For some reason this is really funny. Live at The Acropolis Yanni performed at the greek gods stadium. He cant read music, so he writes his arrangements in code. Only his band understands them. He now has his own recording studio, and has sold over 10 million albums. Being a self-taught musician, Yanni can neither read nor write music, but rather write down his compositions in his own special shorthand. He has perfect pitch, and composes all of his own music.

House of Cards video

Radiohead continues to surprise me. The entire music video was made without cameras or lights, but with lasers. Radiohead used technologies called "Geometric Informatics" and "Velodyne LIDAR" to scan their heads with lasers while singing the song. I have never been this excited about a music video, but this stuff is awesome.

Sermon Reflections

I am poor. I am blind. I am oppressed. I am weak. I am a sinner. I am a stranger. I am selfish. I need God just as much as you do. God is enough. God will rescue us. God will watch over us. God will be glorious in suffering and in peace.

Jesus & The Kingdom

Dinosaur Dienosore

 An old friend of mine has started a new musical endeavor and I offered to help him record it. It has been fun so far, I've never really recorded anybody else besides myself. The vibe of the songs are real ambient and soothing, its nice to try and make things softer instead of louder. So I hope it turns out swell, and im glad to be apart of it check them out dinosaur dienosore. The new stuff we did will be up there soon. Other news, I'm most likely staying in san antonio to attend college as of right now. Some loan and scholarships fell through. Im not upset about it. God doesn't make mistakes. If anything the whole situation has made me become more thoughtful of my mom and sister and I am very thankful for that. Thank you for your prayers.

Wonder Wasting?

Ever try to feel the arc of the earth while walking? Or try to peer over the horizon as if it were a fence? Todays been one of those days, everything is alright. I think I have to leave room for wonder sometimes or I'll go insane.

Victorious One

Victorious One
V:
oh victorious one
rise above in splendor
tear the old skies
the new days dawn
you've broken down the walls
now there's nothing left between us.
Victorious one you have finally freed us
B:
we will sing of your promise fulfilled
C:
We have won through victory in Christ
the risen one, you bring hope to our lives
victorious one, vicorious one
V2:
Your light has broken through
blurred lines that divide
mystery and truth
now can coincide
death now turns to life
now nothing can come between us
Victorious one, Lord we surrender

Tres Leches "three milks"

In no way will I ever attempt to make tres leches again. 

Black & White's

My Orchid Tree

The Orchid Tree is native in India and China and is related to the Redbud tree Jerusalem-Thorn tree and beans. It grows in both South and Central Florida to about 25 feet. It is a deciduous tree with medium green leaves shaped like the footprint of an ox or cow. The flowers look somewhat like an orchid and are about 3-4 inches across. They may be in colors like red, purple, lavender, yellow or white. I started growing this tree 6 years ago and after moving houses, it now sits in a pot, on my back porch. I'm not real big into growing plants, but this tree is a big deal to me. Hopefully I can find a place to put it permanently so it can grow, and it really is one of the prettiest things to see when the flowers come in. I've forgot about it recently because I have not been home, but it kept me company while I barbecued in the rain
all day today. Just me, the barbecue, and the tree.

Look On Us

More stuff Blake Quimby and I are working on.

The greatness of the Lord
Cannot be captured by a song
its hard to grasp or imagine
the power of this eternal god

his name alone can drive away
all the evil that plagues us all
with his breath hes made everything
that dwells within our soul

Sing high the almighty name of our God
lift your hearts and sing
come alive you church of complacent ones
oh that God would look on us

lover of the unloved
father of the abandoned ones
his compassion for the desolate
is wild and strong

arise, render the love that saves
its a furious fire that overtakes
although fears and doubts come flooding in
come lose to gain ,become awake

“Thy look is Thy being… I am, because Thou dost look at me… if Thou didst turn Thy glance from me, I should cease to be.” – Nicholas of Cusa (1401-1464)

Noise Trade

"Some artists have good music they're willing to give away in exchange for a little help. Some fans have a few bucks or a few friends who'd love to hear about good, free music."

Started by Derek Webb, noise trade allows artists to give listeners the option to pay what they want to pay for the cd, or tell 3 friends by email about the cd in order to download a copy. Check it out for yourself I'm sure its gonna catch on fast. This is a great way to get your stuff out there through social connections. As of now they have such artists as Derek Webb, Sandra McCracken, Matthew Perryman Jones, The Allens, and Waterdeep.

Where did all the fireworks go?

Today I figured out how to apply rss feeds. So I spent most of my day trying to figure out which feeds I would like to stay updated in. I got a new e-mail its davidmatthewgamboa@gmail.com write me a letter and i'll write you one back. Thanks to gmail i'm able to unlock all the mac email features, stationary, photos, nice letter frames. I was preparing for a night of fireworks with my camera trying to catch something, but there were none. I hope to keep this thing up. Two posts in one day thats a record.

Songs In The Making

This week I got to hang out in Palacios, TX helping out with worship. Blake Quimby and I worked on some new stuff which we are both pretty excited about.

You reach down and train our hearts

, but set in our ways we fell apart

just like the moon that guides the tides

you guide our hearts in your direction

sin-soaked and tired we came

Isn't it just like you, to find us

chained in a prison of a dying place

, but love came and seized us, and link by link

these chains brittles and breaks when you breathe

creation sighs and wakes

can you hear the sound

Of your saints that await 

from this lowly ground

Our love is restored

My soul burns within me

waiting for Your hand to move

 

Constantly you've made a way

though near deaths gates we've escaped

You've shattered the fear that held us down

If all thats light turned night, surrounded us

somehow you would find us, 

oh to be lost no more

The Loser Year

It's been a challenging year. I am very thankful for it though. I've realized success isn't always satisfying, and sometimes may leave you feeling emptier than you've ever been. I've realized taking the time and effort to build friendships is much more rewarding. To sit down and share someone else's loneliness, fears, hopes, and joys. I didn't always know the right advice but It's nice to have people to think things through and pray with. Failures: spending money wisely, caring, being thoughtful of my mom, calculus, service. I've discovered reading to be a new hobby, and definitely not a waste of time, or something that people say is lame because they associate it with being unsociable. I've realized I have idolized sports and academics and at times put them above God. It's a trend that seems impossible to fix, parents don't realize it, we force ourselves not to realize it because it feels too extreme and foolish, or crazy whats the difference? God has seemed really close and really far away at times but continues to be faithful, and continues to bless my family and I and I'm extremely thankful for that. New house, less stress on my mom, health, less bills, nicer neighbors, almost kind of a fresh start. What else.... oh credit cards are bad. I've overcome my deathly cat allergy and asthma. I have caught myself thinking what's the responsible thing to do which is new and good. hmm Girls... didn't really date anyone, blew some chances but oh well. I have met some awesome girls though and i admire them. I realized i'm more comfortable talking in a group of girls than guys, maybe cause thats all that i live with, but i still trip over words with the pretty ones. anyways some Goals: be more thoughtful of others, read the word more, write more, read more, learn how to play a shuffle on drums, exercise, figure out how the heck I'm paying for college. 

"The Devil and Daniel Johnston"

"Devil leads us into that dark, uncharted valley where evil, genius, divine inspiration, insanity -- and other unfathomable mysteries -- commingle." -Washington Post

This is everything a good documentary should be. I loved it you should give a try.