Worship. After taking a break from leading worship corporately I have had a different perspective of worship appear. First off, it is my passion to lead worship, but I have recently ran into the big doubt of, "maybe I'm not called to do it anymore?" Or maybe I'm not good enough? Maybe I'm too different? Maybe I'm typical? No one is "engaging" when I play my songs, and all of a sudden it's a failure! All of a sudden the worship is not successful! We are down 10 people, and maybe it's cause I played too many slow songs? Maybe people just don't like music? Let's try something different, and let's make it succeed this time.
But why try to succeed? Isn't worship and singing supposed to be valuable time spent with God, our Father? When I spend time with the people I love, it's not measured on how good the food was, or how fun was the board game. It's just us relating, encouraging, laughing, crying, dancing, eating, walking, joking, etc. I don't look at the time I spend with the ones I love a success or failure, it's just their presence that is enjoyable. So why do that with God?
I think it's cause a lot of the times I forget what God has delivered me from, and how many times he has encouraged me to play music and do what I do. I'm more outgoing than I used to be, I can carry a conversation, I can write a song, I can listen and try to be aware of other's feelings, I try to encourage, and there is so much more that God is responsible for! I forget all about it though. I'm trying to remember. Then I will be satisfied with His presence, and our time together will never be measured.